Editor’s Note: This was originally published for FANGORIA on October 6, 2008, and we’re proud to share it as part of The Gingold Files.
The residual goodwill left over from Feast director John Gulager and writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan’s status as Project Greenlight underdogs, and from their energetic movie itself, is sorely tested by the only-too-aptly titled Feast II: Sloppy Seconds. The trio’s manic smashing of taboos and conventions has curdled into a crass, obnoxious sequel that embraces and emphasizes all the wrong elements of the original, and expresses none of its “Hey, we’re making a movie!” excitement.
Feast II reunites one of the few characters to survive the prior adventure with (because they’re played by Gulager’s relations) two of the ones who didn’t. Bartender (Clu Gulager), last seen with what looked like a fatal throat wound, comes back thanks to an apparently well-applied bandanna around his neck, and is discovered by Biker Queen, twin sister of previous casualty Harley Mama (both played by the director’s partner, Diane Ayala Goldner). Strapping Bartender to the back of her bike and with a band of hog-riding babes in tow (who are given nothing distinctive to say or do beyond providing background attitude and fulfilling the gratuitous nudity quotient), Biker Queen rides into a town that has been decimated by the franchise’s vicious humanoid creatures, save a couple of midget wrestlers, the three sides of an interracial love triangle and a hobo hanging out in the local jail.
Oh yes, and Honey Pie (Jenny Wade), last seen driving off in a truck in the first Feast, leaving the rest of the original’s bar-stranded group to fend for themselves. Understandably miffed, Bartender repeatedly bashes her head against a toilet (unflushed, of course) and throws her through a closed window, whereupon she falls two stories to hard pavement yet immediately jumps up, completely unfazed. Before her defenestration, she has time to scream at the group, “You think anyone gives a shit about you?! You all deserve to fucking die!”—a sentiment with which, by that point, it’s unfortunately easy to identify.
Feast II is a pointed wallow in political incorrectness and bad taste: An innocent family is ruthlessly slaughtered by our “heroes,” a cat is violated by one of the beasts, a baby is killed—and I’d feel bad about possibly giving these away as spoilers if there was any dramatic impact or feeling behind any of them. Some might read those descriptions and say, “Yeah, so what’s the problem?” and those seeking simple (make that simpleminded) transgression might get off on the movie’s nonstop parade of grotesqueries. But the setpieces (also including a monster autopsy in which the cast is assaulted by the creature’s flatulence, vomit and, er, reproductive fluid) have no wit or point behind them other than just being gross; there’s no moment where the movie offers a justification of why, for example, killing a baby is funny, and the action quickly grinds into a crude, unpleasant rut.
The people caught up in this scenario aren’t much help. None of them are worth caring about or possess any redeeming qualities, they largely have only each other’s worst interests at heart and they’re incapable of expressing themselves without a quickly tiresome series of profanities (“Well, guess it’s back to being fucked,” goes a typical line). The actors manage to rise above the material once in a while (particularly Martin Klebba from Pirates of the Caribbean, playing half of the diminutive grappling team), but are hard-pressed to elicit any true rooting interest. As for their monstrous tormentors, the prosthetic FX created by Optic Nerve and overseen by Glenn Hetrick are effective enough, though shots of CG creatures roaming the streets, and assorted other digitally enhanced moments, resemble excerpts from a Feast video game.
“These are characters who don’t usually take center stage in a horror film,” one of the scripters notes during the audio commentary on Dimension Extreme/Genius’ DVD, and one can appreciate that inspiration, if not the result. Throughout the extras, in fact, there’s talk of subverting expectations, of making Feast II a “sarcastic” reaction to typical genre fare; “We all completely apologize for how offensive this material [is],” says Dunstan, “[but] mind you, it was assembled with the biggest hearts out there.” Indeed, the supplements backing the gritty-slick 2.35:1 transfer with a lively Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack are quite a bit more likable than the feature—though the commentary, which crams in the director, writers, Goldner, Clu and Tom Gulager (who has a weasely supporting role) and producer Mike Leahy, is more entertaining than truly informative. It’s a genial discussion, and offers a few fun tidbits (the convenience store where Honey Pie winds up stranded is stocked with food props previously used in The Mist, which shot nearby), but it better conveys the fun they all had making Feast II than the specifics of how it was done. (We’re told along the way that this film cost $2 million to the original’s $3.5, though I recall Project Greenlight making a big deal about the latter’s makers struggling to boost their budget a couple hundred thousand above the allotted single million.)
Scared Half to Death Twice complements the movie by packing more swearing and nudity into its 12 minutes or so than your average making-of, complete with discussions of the “monster junk.” Apparently, these appendages led to some consternation on the part of certain residents on the Feast II location, despite Leahy’s entreaties to the filmmaking team (as seen in the featurette) to be respectful of the townspeople. You’ll get a decent sense of the production here, and after the brief interview moments with cute, spunky actress Chelsea Richards (who plays Tat Girl to Melissa Reed’s Tit Girl, har har), you might hope to see her again in a better showcase. And the even shorter Meet the Gulagers reveals that that ill-fated infant was actually Tom Gulager’s own offspring, and stands as an engaging portrait of a family that plays together.
Too bad the movie stands as significantly less likable. There’s a moment in Scared where Goldner states, “The monsters come from up Mark’s and Patrick’s ass,” and mimes a demonstration of how this might look. Feast II is the kind of movie that makes you hope she doesn’t give the writers ideas.
