Pumpkin spice season’s in full swing, and so was All Hallows’ Eve during my recent visit to Universal Orlando. The theme park’s 31st annual Halloween Horror Nights event kicked off earlier this month, ensuring my blood ran ice cold even as the Florida temps consistently crept above 90 degrees.
This year’s offering once again invites fright fans to brave ten elaborate, scream-eliciting haunted houses, including a trio based on popular intellectual properties, six totally original concepts, and one inspired by The Weeknd – that’s right, the Canadian singer-songwriter joins the ranks of Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper as the latest musician to collaborate with Universal Creative on a house of horrors.
So sit back, take a breath – and maybe have an extra pair of skivvies at the ready – as we offer a peek at what lurks behind the doors of this year’s haunted houses.
Hellblock Horror
If it’s no-frills frights you’re after, this original house – set in a maximum security prison for monstrous inmates – has you covered. Hellblock Horror is light on story and elaborate set pieces, but it packs the expected blood, gore, and jump scares, courtesy of grotesque, incarcerated freaks that’ll leave you as terrified as the bleeding-out, screaming prison guards attempting to keep the rioting beasts at bay. Toss in the requisite electric chair scene, and this one serves as a good first house to prepare your fragile psyche for what the rest of the evening has in store.
Bugs: Eaten Alive
This original house is the only one in my many years attending HHN that made my skin crawl while stretching a smile across my face. Its clever use of creepy crawly props and practical effects – including a killer combination of fog and dangling objects that mimic the feeling of multi-legged pests invading your personal space – makes it a no-go for anyone with a serious insect phobia.
Survive the arachnid assault, however, and you’re treated to scenes of oversized B-movie bugs – the byproduct of retro-future tech gone horribly wrong – hilariously feasting on unsuspecting humans. I still can’t shake the image of a four-foot cockroach mauling a man on his kitchen table…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Descendants of Destruction
If you’re craving some post-apocalyptic frights, this original concept from Universal Creative packs plenty of dystopian scares while also subverting what we’ve come to expect from the sub-genre. Set in a rotting subway system deep underground, Descendants of Destruction trades the usual zombie hordes for mutated humans that grow more grotesque and hungry – did I mention they’re cannibals? – the deeper you descend. Toss in claustrophobic subway cars, disorienting lighting effects, and the smell of…something, and this post-apocalypse makes the rise of the undead look like a picnic.
Spirits of the Coven
Spirits of the Coven easily spins one of this year’s best original tales, as it sees a coven of comely witches lure eager revelers into a 1920s Salem speakeasy. Like those prohibition-era party-goers, I was drawn in by the period-accurate music, pretty flapper dresses, and promise of a fun night. Of course, the severed head spinning on the roulette wheel quickly killed that vibe. As you descend further into the establishment, the witches morph from gorgeous to grotesque, the mood lighting begins illuminating occult symbols, and it becomes clear that you’re not a guest to be entertained but an ingredient to be ingested as part of some ungodly potion.
Fiesta de Chupacabras
Even if you manage to avoid the coven’s cauldron and the cannibals’ main course, HHN could still make a meal out of you in Fiesta de Chupacabras. Like Spirits of the Coven, this original house is an elaborate trap meant to lure unsuspecting tourists into the literal jaws of its titular beast. As you enter a South American village during an evening outdoor festival, you soon learn you’re to be sacrificed to the celebrated Chupacabra. Masked, blade-wielding locals provide plenty of pulse-spiking scares, while the mythical monster’s advanced puppetry – which could almost be mistaken for audio-animatronic tech – makes for one of the event’s most believable creatures.
when ur invited to the fiesta but they want ur blood pic.twitter.com/IFNshCpXP5
— Halloween Horror Nights (@HorrorNightsORL) September 14, 2022
Dead Man’s Pier: Winter’s Wake
HHN31’s most beautiful, atmospheric, and absolute best house is this original concept dubbed “Dead Man’s Pier: Winter’s Wake.” A combination of elaborate set pieces, detail-drenched design, and cinema-rivaling production values give life to a New England fishing village I’d want to vacation in…if not for all the sea-faring chaps looking to gut me with a rusty hook.
As a ghostly female violinist plays haunting music atop a ship’s bow, light precipitation, accompanied by appropriately chilly air, will have you pining for the comfort of a cable-knit sweater and hot cup of cocoa. But this one’s as creepy as it is cozy, featuring a nightmare-conjuring assortment of fishermen who’ve been reclaimed by the sea. Their faces encrusted with barnacles and clothing covered in starfish and other ocean critters, these “dead men” elicit scares and sympathy in equal measure. Easily my favorite house of the year, this one could have serious HHN fans petitioning Universal to make it a permanent attraction.
Universal Monsters: Legends Collide
Comprised of tight, dimly lit caverns that reek of dirt, this house has no trouble selling the sensation you’re navigating an Egyptian tomb that’s maybe not welcoming to newcomers. And that’s before absolutely horrifying takes on Universal’s Wolfman, Dracula, and The Mummy begin popping out from the shadows. Beyond the in-your-face scares, this one weaves a fun yarn that finds the creature-feature trio battling it out for a magic amulet. In a cool touch for repeat guests, the house’s conclusion is altered each night to crown a different victor. During my tour, Dracula wound up with a stake through his heart while the Wolfman’s severed head dangled from the Mummy’s fingerprints. [This house has a Hollywood counterpart that continues the story!]
The following houses are available at both Universal Studios Orlando and Hollywood.
Halloween
Based on John Carpenter’s original horror classic, this house packs all the expected, authentic elements – from the chilling score and slashing kitchen knives to enough Michael Myers-fueled jump-scares to fill a lifetime of nightmares. But for all its familiarity and fan-service, the house still manages to be frightening as hell. Terrifying highlights include a quiet, unsettling moment where a completely still Michael peers at you – blade in hand, of course – from atop a staircase, as well as a mirrored room filled with Myers’ mannequins and live actors, leaving anxious guests to suss out which one might strike.
The Horrors of Blumhouse
The Horrors of Blumhouse offers a double feature of sorts, as its dual-house invites guests to relive the horrific highlights of both Freaky and The Black Phone. If, like me, you’re yet to see the former, this house’s quintessential slasher flick vibe – including a brutally murdered football mascot – will have you adding the cult film to your streaming queue.
Of course, the house’s second half is all about the Grabber, and his instantly-iconic mask, ensuring you exit with neck hairs standing at full attention. That said, while the child-abducting antagonist provides plenty of heart-pounding frights, it’s the more unsuspecting scenes, like a wall covered in “Missing Person” posters, an untouched plate of scrambled eggs sitting on the basement floor, or the parked van with a bouquet of black balloons peeking through its doors, that gave me goosebumps the size of golf balls. [Take a behind-the-scenes look at the Universal Hollywood Blumhouse maze right here.]
The Weeknd: After Hours Nightmare
You needn’t be a fan of The Weeknd’s music to appreciate his incredibly twisted collaboration with Universal Creative. Sure, his followers will recognize his hits playing throughout the house and the fun nod to his mirror-corridor Superbowl performance. But it’ll be the blood-soaked bathroom, where an impromptu liposuction procedure seems to be taking place, that’ll sow the seeds of future nightmares for horror fans of all stripes. Toss in multiple appearances from the singer’s severed head and a posse of bloodied, bandaged – albeit sharply dressed – gents who’ve apparently woken up on the wrong side of an amateur plastic surgeon’s table, and The Weeknd should have little trouble winning over genre enthusiasts.
Halloween Horror Nights runs select nights through Halloween, get your Orlando tickets here.
